You're not going to do anything of the sort, of course. But Billy is adamant. He picks up Mary's body and throws her over his shoulder. He intends it as a final romantic gesture, but it looks more like a fireman's lift. \n\nHe carries her down the fire escape stairs, and you follow him to the stairwell where you first woke up. Clearly he's not so hot on this whole burying business - he doesn't even have a shovel. \n\nYou stand behind him, ready to slam the door shut as soon as he's outside - you're certainly not planning on dying because of his stupidity. \n\n"They won't touch me," says Billy. "I know it. I carry my beloved in my arms. She's pure. They can't lay a finger on us."\n\nHe's deluded. It sounds sort of romantic, but mostly pathetic. You refrain from pointing out that she's more over his shoulder than in his arms. Now doesn't seem like the time for specifics. \n\n[[Billy opens the door.|You All Die 2]]
"DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING!" he screams. But there's nothing you can do. She's gone.\n\n[[Billy insists you take her out and bury her on the Business Park.|Blood Loss 3]]
No dice.\n\n[[Whatever.|Stand Up]]
"Mistakes were made," says Billy.\n\n[[You ask them if they've got a plan.|Meeting Room 4]]
Armed with your little golf putters, you head down into the atrium. There are a couple of zombies wandering around, but you make short work of their heads with the golf equipment. \n\nThere's no cereal after all, and the whole place is a mess, but there are no other zombies. You barricade the doors with chairs and tables to make sure no others can get in.\n\nDo zombies have opposable thumbs? Probably - they were human once, after all. Can they use them, though? \n\nDebatable.\n\n"There might be food in the lawyers' office," says Billy. "Shall we look in there?"\n\n[["Probably best not to. Lawyers are scary even when there's not a zombie apocalypse going on."|Atrium Good 2]]
You try calling your mother six times before realising you've forgotten her number. Damn this modern age! She's changed mobiles so often that you don't have a hope in hell of remembering it, and your own iPhone is mysteriously missing.\n\nCrap. What now?\n\n[[Try calling the emergency services.|999]]\n\n[[Have a look in the meeting room.|Meeting Room]]\n\n[[Begin hyperventilating.|Panic Attack]]
You're damn right that doesn't sound too good. Outside is off-limits for now, then. \n\nThat leaves the stairs or the office. Any preference?\n\n[[Stairs.|Stairs]]\n\n[[Office.|Office]]
No one likes a smart-arse. \n\n[[You decide to behave yourself and go where the narrative clearly wants to take you.|Stairs 2]]
At the top of the stairs, you stop to look out of the window. Judging by the sun, it's mid-afternoon. The ice cream van is nowhere to be seen. \n\nWhat you <html><b>can</b></html> see looks pretty bad. There are bodies everywhere. And not the nice, reassuring kind of bodies, either. This lot aren't sleeping. They're dead. Dismembered, in some cases. Skulls caved in. Gobs of flesh and blood everywhere. Horrifying.\n\nSome people are still standing, but they're not walking the way humans are meant to walk. Their legs are all twisted in, and they're sort of limping and shambling around. \n\nThey're not even complaining to each other about the weather. There is something very wrong with these people.\n\nYou're glad you stayed inside, but the thought of what might be lurking in dark corners of the office is pretty damn scary. \n\n[[You decide to hide in a nearby cupboard for a little while. Just until the panic stops, yeah?|Cupboard]]\n\n[[It's probably best to keep moving, right?|Office 2]]
Welcome to SQL Brains, a Red Gate zombie adventure!\n\n[[Let's play!|Wake Up]]\n\n[[What the hell even is this?|Credits]]
Well, that was a mistake. The scene outside is carnage - cars burning in the car park, corpses strewn across the pavement with gay abandon. The air stinks, thick with the putrid stench of rotting flesh. Some people are still upright, but there's something wrong with them - they're not walking and talking; they're shuffling and moaning. \n\nHorrified, you try to step back inside and close the door, but the noise of the fire alarm going off has attracted some attention, and the shufflers begin lumbering towards you. You're more frightened than you've ever been, and your legs and arms have turned into useless, frozen lumps of meat, incapable even of getting you back into the building and closing the door behind you.\n\nIt's slow - agonisingly slow, in the end. You're paralysed, helpless, and they're on top of you, clawing at your neck and smooshing you up against the wall.\n\nNothing good can happen now. \n\n[[Sorry you're not a winner.|You Die]]\n\n
Let this be your very own Ghost of Christmas Future.\n\nChaaaaaaaaange your waaaaaaaaaays!\n\n[[Play again, and try not to be so boring next time.|Wake Up]]\n\n[[Read the credits; they're boring, but so are you.|Credits]]\n\n
You can't die from a panic attack, but knowing that doesn't help. You can't catch your breath. You can't do anything. \n\nYou cry out in fear and pain, like an animal - a feral, visceral yelp. \n\n<html><i>Eloi, eloi; lama sabachthani?</i></html>\n\nThere's a loud banging noise from the direction of the meeting room, and it tips you over the edge. Just as you'd always feared, your heart literally explodes inside your chest. \n\nYou probably had some kind of congenital defect. I mean, that's not <html><i>normal</i></html>, y'know?\n\n[[Bad luck. Try again?|Wake Up]]\n\n[[I have no idea what's happening.|Credits]]\n\n
"What do you mean when you say a plan?" asks Mary. \n\n"You know. Some idea of what to do next. A recipe for saving our bacon."\n\n"Don't talk about bacon!" says Billy. "We haven't eaten in hours."\n\nYou realise that you're hungry too. But you're also vulnerable - the world outside has descended into chaos, and your only allies seem to want to shag their way through the apocalypse.\n\n[[You suggest foraging for food.|Food 1]]\n\n[[You suggest arming yourselves with something a bit more convincing than a Nerf gun.|Canteen 6]]\n\n
It's a flamethrower. \n\nHis thick, gloved finger is on the trigger. You try to tell him that you're not contagious - that you haven't been anywhere near a zombie (except that one you killed with the golf putter), that you woke up in a stairwell a couple of hours ago and you have <html><i>no idea what is going on</i></html>, and Mary is begging and pleading with him, and Billy is gibbering on his knees, but it's no use. \n\nA jet of fire pours out of the barrel of his awful gun, and you feel a burst of heat explode through your chest as it hits you. He sprays at Billy and Mary too, and the last thing you smell before the pain overwhelms your consciousness entirely is their charring flesh. Like BBQ ribs. \n\nWhen there's nothing left of you but blackened bones and ash, the man clips himself back onto the rope and someone in the helicopter above reels him in. As the sun sets behind the building opposite, they fly away.\n\n[[Bummer.|Ending]]
Thank you for playing SQL Brains, and sorry you're not a winner.\n\nNo one is, really.\n\nIf you'd like to find out more about the game, check out the [[credits page|Credits]]. \n\nIf you fancy another shot at it, [[click here|Wake Up]].
The three of you go back out to the fire escape stairwell and cautiously make your way down to the middle floor. Inside the door to the office, there's no sign of life - it's just as deserted as the top floor. \n\nMary points out the sofa bed and beanbags in the quiet area just inside the door.\n\n"Those'll be perfect for tonight," she says. \n\nYou make a mental note not to let the two of them share the sofa bed that night. After all, you've had a rough day, and you've probably got a concussion. You should have the nearest thing there is to a proper bed.\n\n[[What if they start getting frisky on the beanbags, though? Think of the noise.|Canteen 2]]
As you approach the fridge, the clasp begins to rattle. Then, there's a loud banging noise, and the whole unit shakes.\n\n"Fuck," whispers Mary. "It sounds like there's something inside trying to get out."\n\n[["Nonsense. It's just an old motor." You open the clasp.|You All Die 1]]\n\n[["You're right. Let's leave it where it is and get out of here."|Canteen 4]]\n\n
You were right to arm yourselves - there's a zom or two in the atrium. The whole place is a bit chaotic, really - a couple of corpses, chairs strewn everywhere, dishwashers and sinks overflowing. It looks like someone's already been at the cereal. Bastards. \n\nAfter watching from the balcony for a minute or two, the three of you decide to proceed downstairs. \n\nHearing your footsteps, one of the zombies shambles towards the stairs, waiting to meet you at the bottom. \n\nNo matter. You're armed.\n\n[[Attack! Attack!|Atrium Bad 2]]
Phew. It's nice and dark and cosy in here. You give yourself a little hug and pretend the world outside hasn't turned into some kind of terrifying dystopia. \n\n[[You feel better for having a rest, and decide to explore the top floor of the office.|Office 2]]\n\n[[You decide to stay right where you are. It's scary outside.|Cupboard 2]]
You pick up the nearest handset and hear the dial tone. \n\nThat's reassuring. But who are you going to call? \n\n[[Reception.|Reception]]\n\n[[Your mum.|Your mum]]\n\n[[999.|999]]\n\n[[Ghostbusters.|Ghostbusters]]
The first three or four pedestals are filled only with inedible nonsense - makeup, staples, payslips, ibuprofen. Nothing incriminating or edible.\n\nWhen you open the fifth set of drawers, though, you hit the jackpot. Raisins! Cereal bars! Werther's Originals!\n\nThe three of you split your ill-gotten gains between yourselves and merrily munch away. \n\n[[You sit back, very pleased with yourselves, and begin to digest your feast.|Desks 2]]
"We were otherwise engaged," says Billy.\n\n[[You decide to go down to the atrium in search of cereal.|Canteen 6]]\n\n[[You decide to go to the canteen and check out the fridges.|Canteen 1]]
Unfortunately, Billy is nineteen years old and has the metabolism of a whippet. Half an hour later, he declares that he is absolutely starving.\n\n[["How did you last up until now in that meeting room?" you ask.|Desks 3]]
SQL Brains is a choose-your-own zombie adventure game, written in <html><a href="http://www.gimcrackd.com/etc/src/">Twine</a></html> by <html><a href="www.lucyboyes.com">Lucy Boyes</a></html>. Lucy works at <html><a href="www.red-gate.com">Red Gate Software</a></html> by day, and the location of SQL Brains is loosely based on Red Gate's Cambridge office. By night, she's a writer - usually of miserable novels and comic scripts. SQL Brains is intended as a bit of fun, and a much-needed break from all that dreadfully worthy stuff about the endless sadness of being alive. \n\nNone of the characters are based on real people, living or dead, which should come as a relief to anyone who's played through. SQL Brains is solely the independent work of Lucy Boyes, and does not represent the opinions or endeavours of Red Gate. They make some quite nice software and have never been troubled by an infestation of zombies. \n\nIf you're interested in using Twine to create a project like this one, <html><a href="http://www.auntiepixelante.com/twine/">Anna Anthropy's introduction</a></html> is an excellent place to start. \n\nIf you're interested in not getting your brains eaten, let SQL Brains be a cautionary tale to you.\n\nIf you're interested in hassling Lucy, she can <html><a href="www.twitter.com/klave">usually be found on Twitter</a></html>.\n
You haven't checked the atrium for cereal yet, but the idea worries you. The offices have been empty so far, but they're all locked unless you've got a key fob. Anyone could be in the atrium. And if the car park is full of the bodies of your coworkers, it's not likely that anyone though to lock the main door and set the alarm on their way out. \n\nBilly complains that he's still hungry. You sort of want to punch him a bit.\n\n[[Go on. Give him a slap.|Slap]]\n\n[[Punching Billy would probably be counterproductive at this point.|Canteen 6]]
You run from the canteen as fast as your legs can carry you, back into the office with the beds and beanbags. \n\n"I bet there was food in there!" says Billy, pouting. \n\nMary tells him he's welcome to have a look by himself if he really wants to, which seems to shut him up. \n\n"We should still look for food," says Mary, patting Billy on the shoulder in a conciliatory fashion.\n\n"Thanks babe," says Billy. \n\n[[You throw up in your mouth a little bit.|Canteen 5]]\n\n
You stretch out on the floor again and aim for a little snooze, but your body won't comply. Sure, you're tired, but the time for sleep is over. \n\n[[Fine. You get up.|Stand Up]]\n\n[[FIVE MORE MINUTES.|Dice]]
[[I bet you think you're really clever.|Phone]]
People like you don't deserve to have exciting adventures. \n\n[[A deus ex machina falls from the ceiling, killing you instantly.|You Die 2]]
Damn right you can't die from a panic attack. \n\nYou remember the breathing exercises your doctor gave you, and focus all your energy on getting oxygen into your system. Who cares if the road outside is littered with corpses, and there are strange, half-human creatures clunking around the place? There'll be time to worry about that later.\n\nSlowly, your heart rate begins to return to normal. You can breathe easily again. The tightness in your chest relaxes, and you unclench your limbs.\n\nPhew.\n\n[[Right. Panic over. You pull yourself up from the ground and head towards the meeting room in the corner.|Meeting Room]]
SQL Brains
Your key fob makes a reassuring bleepy noise as you swipe it, and the door clunks when you push it open. Just like it always did. For a second or two, you could almost believe that nothing is wrong.\n\nInside the office, there's no sign of life. The desks are deserted, the monitors dead. The invoice tray is overflowing with paperwork - looks like the Finance department have abandoned their post. Unless they're just downstairs playing foosball.\n\nThat would be nice, wouldn't it?\n\nThere's definitely no one here, though you haven't checked the meeting rooms. You're not sure you want to. The electricity still seems to be working, though - all the phones are lit up.\n\n[[You steel your nerves and decide to check the nearest meeting room.|Meeting Room]]\n\n[[You decide to make a quick phone call.|Phone]]
Higher ground seems like a good idea. You run up the stairs two at a time, hoping that an adrenaline rush will cut through some of the fuzz in your head. Everything still aches, but it's a good ache. You feel like you've been working out.\n\n[[You pause to admire your reflection in a nearby shiny surface.|Mirror]]\n\nWhen you reach the middle floor, you're faced with the same dilemma - you can go into the office or you can keep going up.\n\n[[Keep movin' on up.|Stairs 2]]\n\n[[See what's going on in the office.|Office]]\n\n[[Surely I can go back down the stairs too? Is no one paying any attention to what's going on?|Exits 3]]\n\n
Ugh. You'll cross that bridge when you come to it. \n\nThe coast looks clear, so you make your way down through the canteen towards the kitchen. The fridges are empty of fruit, yoghurt and dessert, with some pots split and knocked over on the floor. It looks like people grabbed whatever food they could in a rush before leaving the building. \n\nThe kitchen's a bit of a mess, but it doesn't look empty. There are dirty dishes on all of the worktops, as though the canteen staff made a run for it in the middle of cleaning up after lunch. You wonder, not for the first time, how long you spent unconscious in the stairwell. \n\nThe big walk-in fridge is shut from the outside with a large steel clasp.\n\n[[For good reason, it turns out.|Canteen 3]]
"I'm sorry," he says, his voice thick through the helmet. "This whole area needs to be quarantined at once, and we didn't have a better idea for getting you all up onto the roof."\n\nYou smile at him because you don't know what he's talking about, and because he's going to save you all. Even Billy. \n\nHe pulls out something that looks like a rifle.\n\n[[But it's not a rifle.|You All Die 4.5]]
You lay your hand on the cold metal bar, which, when pressed, will open the fire door and deliver you to freedom. You've always secretly wanted to set off the fire alarm, and this seems like as good a time as any - you'll have to answer to Facilities later, but there'll be plenty of time for contrition after the fact.\n\nThe muscles in your arms tense as you prepare to push the bar, but before you can get the door open, you hear a strange thumping noise coming from outside. \n\n[[It's probably nothing. You open the door.|Outside]]\n\n[[That doesn't sound too good.|Exits 2]]\n\n
You look around for a door, and for the first time since you woke up, you feel pretty good about yourself. This is no ordinary text adventure - you've got <html><i>options</i></html>.\n\nStraight ahead, there's a fire door to the outside world. All you need to do in order to be free of this stairwell prison which has held you captive for at least five minutes is to push on the bar. The alarm might go off, but that's probably a price worth paying. \n\nTo your left, you see the stairs that give the stairwell its utilitarian name.\n\nBehind you, there's a door into the office itself.\n\n[[To hell with this stairwell; I want to breathe the sweet, fresh air of the Cambridge Business Park.|Fire Door]]\n\n[[I'd be a fool to visit this fine stairwell without trying out the stairs!|Stairs]]\n\n[[I guess I should probably check my email.|Office]]
You don't have the right access permissions to get into the server room, so you smash through a window and climb through. Mary refuses to, on the grounds that she's only wearing leggings and doesn't want to cut herself on the broken glass. \n\n[[Tell her to stand guard outside.|Server 2]]\n\n[[Tell her she's coming with you whether she likes it or not.|Blood Loss]]
"We need to make sure we can defend ourselves, in case there's nasty stuff somewhere else in the building. Where can we find something with some heft to it?"\n\nMary and Billy stare at you blankly. You were only trying to get them a bit involved in things. \n\nYou make a mental note not to bother next time.\n\n"I've only been here three weeks!" says Billy. "I'm only following you because I don't know my way around. You're kind of a dick, you know."\n\n[[Give Billy a(nother) smack.|Slap]]\n\n[["How about the stationery cupboard?" says Mary.|Stationery 1]]\n\n[["The stationery cupboard's a fucking stupid idea," you tell them. "We're going to the server room."|Server 1]]
Mary stands guard while you and Billy grab whatever hardware looks useful. There's not much, but you make do with what you can - a handful of kettle leads will make a nice garrote or a makeshift whip, and you can always bash zombies in with a keyboard. They're nice, light, smart weapons. You'll have the edge over this bunch of shuffling bastards.\n\n[[To the atrium!|Atrium Bad]]
Thank goodness for all those educational films they made you watch at school - you can definitely remember the number for the emergency services.\n\nAs the phone rings, you feel a slight twinge of anxiety. After all, you've never phoned 999 before. And you're not sure this is a real emergency. In fact, you're not sure what this is.\n\nWith a click, the person on the other end of the line picks up the phone. You panic, and shout,\n\n[["I need an ambulance!"|999 2]]\n\n[["I need a fire engine!"|999 2]]\n\n[["I need the police!"|999 2]]\n\n[["COASTGUARD. COASTGUARD."|999 2]]\n\n[["Help! I need help!"|999 2]]
There's no time to slam the door, and carrying Mary's body over his shoulder doesn't stop the horde outside from advancing on Billy. They're on you in seconds, clawing and biting, ripping Mary limb from limb as soon as they realise she's already been dead a while. \n\nBilly falls first. If it had been you, you'd at least have used Mary's body as a shield. Or a weapon. \n\nKids these days don't understand the ancient art of corpse-fighting. \n\nYou try to turn back, to bolt up the stairs faster than they can shuffle and get back inside the office, where it's safe, but there's a sea of half-rotted flesh groping and writhing at you, and they've already blocked off the doorway, and you're already beginning to suffocate as one of them brings down something blunt and heavy on your skull.\n\nYour story ends as it began - with a head injury of unknown origin. \n\n[[Fancy a do-over?|Wake Up]]\n\n[[What's the meaning of life?|Credits]]
You don't have time to see what the thing actually is before it jumps out of the fridge, hacking at you with a meat cleaver. The first blow catches you across the shoulder and the neck, slicing through muscle and bone, and nicking your carotid artery. \n\nAs it pulls the cleaver out of your meat and draws its arm back for a second chop, Mary screams. This catches the thing's attention, and it lumbers at her and Billy.\n\nYou fall to the ground, life quickly leeching out of you as your warm, slick blood begins to pour down over your body, forming a dark puddle on the floor. \n\nAs you drift away from consciousness, you hear Mary and Billy screaming again, and the sound of metal against bone. There's a sickening crack, and then a strange slurping noise. The thing is groaning and munching and belching, and Mary and Billy aren't screaming any more.\n\nYou die with a smile on your face. It wasn't so bad in the end.\n\n[[Maybe next time you won't open the fridge.|Wake Up]]\n\n[[Surely there's an explanation for all this horror?|Credits]]
For a split second, there is no answer. Then, a strange and hideous voice on the end of the line makes a long, low groaning noise. \n\n"Graaaaaaaargh," says the voice. "Groooooooaaaargh."\n\nThat's not ideal, is it?\n\n[[Nope.|999 3]]
Quite so, quite so. \n\nYou feel as though your only lifeline to the outside world has been cut off, and it's a sad, lonely feeling. After all, those educational videos promised you that the emergency services would be poised and ready to respond whenever you needed them. And the one time you needed them, someone groaned at you in a scary voice. \n\nYou feel a deep, bitter pang of disappointment.\n\n[[Disappointment's no use in a crisis. You hold your nerve, and decide to investigate the nearby meeting room.|Meeting Room]]\n\n[[You resolve to write a strongly-worded letter to the Cambridge Evening News about the perilous state of local services as soon as you find a pen and paper.|Letter]]\n\n[[You're done being strong, and let panic wash over you like the warm waves of a friendly sea.|Panic Attack]]
Coward.\n\n[[Come on, then. You're going to have a look round the office whether you like it or not.|Office 2]]\n\n[[Don't I have any choice in the matter?|Cupboard 3]]
[[Nope.|Office 2]]
You punch in the four-digit number and try calling reception, but there's no answer.\n\nCrap. What now?\n\n[[Try the emergency services|999]]\n\n[[Try your mum|Your mum]]\n\n[[Give up on the whole endeavour and scout out the nearest meeting room|Meeting Room]]\n\n[[Mystery fourth option!|Fourth Option]]
You drag yourself to your feet, feeling a deep ache through most of your muscles. The hard floor isn't all that much fun to sleep up. \n\nLooking around, you realise you're standing at the very bottom of the fire escape at work. There's nothing here apart from a few old office chairs and a spider or two. It's very quiet, and something doesn't feel right.\n\n\n[[You should probably assess your injuries before going any further.|Injuries]]\n\n[[You should probably think about getting out of here.|Exits]]
You hit Billy square in the jaw and tell him to stop whining. He scowls at you. Mary looks surprised, but also grateful.\n\n[[Job done. Let's get on with things.|Canteen 6]]
"There's nothing to eat up here," says Wendy. "Not since they moved all the cereal downstairs."\n\n[[You decide to go down to the atrium in search of cereal.|Canteen 6]]\n\n[[You decide to go to the canteen and check out the fridges.|Canteen 1]]\n\n[[You decide to raid your deceased colleagues' desk drawers in the hope of finding some mints or Graze boxes or whatever.|Desks 1]]
Billy rams his keyboard into the zombie's head, causing it to shatter.\n\nThe keyboard, that is. Not the head. Stupid flimsy Microsoft hardware.\n\nYou whip at it with your kettle leads, but it bats them away and starts clawing at you. If you get close enough to it to garrote it, you'll give it the advantage. It may be a reanimated corpse, but it's bigger than you and has no understanding of danger. \n\nMary picked up a shard of glass back in the server room, but she managed to cut her fingers with it on the balcony, and it fell out of her hands. \n\nYou clutch at your temples, trying desperately to come up with a plan. You read the <html><i>Zombie Survival Guide</i></html> a few years ago, but can't remember any of the advice it contained. Is this the kind that can climb stairs or not?\n\n[[Yes. Yes it is.|You All Die 3]]
You can't control your breathing. Or your heart rate, which is climbing higher and higher by the second. Fuck. Fuck.\n\nYou fall to your knees. Fuck.\n\nIt's okay, it's okay. It's just a panic attack. You've had them before. \n\nYou feel like you're dying. You can't breathe. The very air itself is smothering you. Everything is shaking. You lungs are pumping, but it nothing's going in or out. Your heart is pumping, but your blood's frozen in place.\n\nYou're dying. \n\nYou can't die from a panic attack.\n\nYou're dying.\n\nYou can't die from a panic attack.\n\n[[You're dying.|You Die 3]]\n\n[[You can't die from a panic attack.|Panic Attack 2]]
You open the door to the meeting room, and find yourself staring down the barrel of a gun.\n\n[[Fuck.|Meeting Room 2]]\n
They killed you and ate your brains. They didn't even have the decency to bite you and turn you into one of them - your brains were eaten long before the disease had a chance to enter your bloodstream and take hold.\n\nThe zombies leave the fleshy mess that was once you slumped next to the building, just one more corpse in a sea of corpses. \n\nYou don't even get a decent burial. I mean, it's the zombie apocalypse - what were you expecting?\n\n[[Some do believe in reincarnation, but it's a dicey sport.|Wake Up]]\n\n[[What the hell even was this?|Credits]]
"Right."\n\nYou're considering picking a fight with him - to pass the time, more than anything - when something outside catches your eye. Something moving - bigger and faster than the swarming undead. \n\nIt looks like a tank. A really big tank, with a cowcatcher on the front of it, sweeping up corpses and zombies alike. There's a PA system on top, turned up loud enough that you can hear it through the glass and the commotion outside. \n\n"ATTENTION ALL SURVIVORS. ATTENTION ALL SURVIVORS. MARTIAL LAW HAS BEEN ENACTED. REMAIN INSIDE. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BUILDINGS. MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE ROOF BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY. MILITARY HELICOPTERS WILL BE UNDERTAKING AN EMERGENCY EVACUATION OF THE CAMBRIDGE BUSINESS PARK IN EXACTLY FIFTEEN MINUTES. ATTENTION ALL SURVIVORS. EVACUATION IN FIFTEEN MINUTES."\n\n[[You don't need to be told twice.|Atrium Good 4]]
As you reach for your key fob, you remember every action movie you've ever watched. The SWAT team always parachute in from above and search the building top-down, right? Well, there must be some kind of reason for that. \n\nIn your tired, possibly-concussed state, this seems like incontrovertible logic. \n\n[[You decide to play it safe, SWAT-style, and do a sweep of the office from the top floor down.|Stairs 2]]
"Damn, son. How did that happen?"\n\nBilly looks at you like you're an idiot. He's probably right. \n\n"You didn't hear?"\n\n"Nope. I think I must have a head injury or something. I woke up at the bottom of the stairwell about ten minutes ago. I don't remember anything before that."\n\n"No time to explain now," says Mary. "But everything's fucked."\n\n"What are you two doing in the office?" you ask.\n\nBilly and Mary look shifty.\n\n"We...uh...decided it would be safer to stay here," says Billy. "They tried to evacuate the building when it all kicked off, but most people didn't get very far."\n\nHe points to the corpses which litter the car park. It is only at this point that you notice Billy isn't wearing a shirt, and that Mary's hair is all messed up.\n\n"Is there anyone else left in the building."\n\n"Uncertain," says Billy. "We...haven't really left this room."\n\n"It was kind of a surprise when we opened the blinds and saw that everyone was all dead and outside and everything," says Mary, blushing.\n\n[[You ask them why they didn't bother to lock the door.|Meeting Room Aside]]\n\n[[You ask them if they've got a plan.|Meeting Room 4]]
Well, apart from Billy.\n\n[[Oh, who are we kidding. He's an idiot. You're all dead.|You All Die 3.75]]
Nothing to worry about, though. It's just a Nerf gun. You vaguely recognise the person holding it, and the woman standing next to him.\n\n"Hey. Who are you guys?" you ask. \n\n"I'm Billy," says the young man. "The intern. I was on your team."\n\n"Right. Sorry. I think I have a concussion."\n\n"You should probably get that bump on your head looked at," says the woman." \n\nYou can't remember her name, either, but it doesn't seem to matter. \n\n"I'm Mary, the new tech author," she says. "We were on the same team at the company day out last month."\n\n"Whatever." \n\nShe looks offended. You can't quite fathom why.\n\n"What's going on?" you ask.\n\nBilly opens the blinds. The scene is the same as when you looked out of the window at the top of the stairwell. Bad, bad things as far as the eye can see. You recognise some of the corpses as your former colleagues, and the thought makes you shudder.\n\n[["Didn't you hear?" says Mary. "Zombie plague."|Meeting Room 3]]
Bollocks. \n\nMary is sweating in fear, and tries to wipe the sweat out of her eyes. Unfortunately, her hands are still covered in blood. The blood gets in her eyes, temporarily blinding her. She tries running back up the stairs, only to launch herself over the bannister by mistake. \n\nThere is a sickening crunch as she falls on the hard tiled floor below.\n\nIt's just you and Billy now, and he's and idiot and you're still concussed or something. You don't stand a chance. \n\nBilly starts jumping up and down on the spot, trying to scare the zombie off. The stairs start bouncing and swaying - you've always hated this stupid staircase - and you lose your footing, falling into the welcoming arms of the zombie. \n\nThe last thing you feel is its horrible fingernails, crusted with blood and flesh, tearing the skin from your face as it pounds your skull into the floor.\n\n[[You're all dead.|You All Die 3.5]]
On the roof, the sun is setting, and the air is cool and thick with the smell of blood. You peer over the side of the building. The zombies and corpses below all look so small. \n\nYou're leaving this place far behind. They are taking you away. \n\nYou hear the chug of rotor long before you see the helicopter. It appears first as a speck on the far horizon, drawing closer, taking on shape and substance. \n\nAnd then it is above you, and a man in an armoured bodysuit and helmet is dropping down on the end of a rope to whisk you away to safety. \n\n[[His feet hit the surface of the roof, and he turns to face the three of you.|You All Die 4]]
Yep. All dead.\n\n[[Play again!|Wake Up]]\n\n[[Find out more about this nonsense.|Credits]]
Lookin' good!\n\n[[Probably best to get a move on.|Stairs]]
You wake up in a dingy stairwell, as if from a mild concussion or a long, long sleep. Thin cobwebs stretch out across the ceiling. You have no idea where you are, or how you got there. You have no idea how long you've been asleep.\n\n[[You should probably get up.|Stand Up]]\n\n[[Five more minutes!|Five]]
<html><a href="www.lucyboyes.com">Lucy Boyes</a></html>
"Well, you could always cycle over to Tesco and pick us up some food there."\n\nYou look out of the window at the front of the building. The sun is lower in the sky now, and there are more zombies than before stumbling around the business park. \n\nMary has the look of a woman who wishes she'd spent longer talking to a certain gentleman before she let him put his hand up her top. Assuming the three of you survive this ordeal, you're fairly sure that Billy won't be getting lucky with Mary again. \n\n"I don't really fancy it," you say. "Why don't you go."\n\n[[It turns out that Billy doesn't really fancy it either.|Atrium Good 3]]\n\n
Mary clambers through the broken window behind you and Billy, gashing her legs badly in the process. She's losing quite a bit of blood, but you don't really notice and assume she's just complaining. \n\nYou wonder, not for the first time, why everyone insists that hiring Millenials is a legitimate business strategy. All they ever do is whine.\n\nBilly is grabbing as much hardware as he can lay his hands on, and you're trying to prise the server units out of their racks. They'll be proper good for smashing in zombies.\n\nAfter ten minutes or so, you realise you haven't seen Mary in a while. As it turns out, this is because she's slumped in a corner, bleeding out. \n\nHer pulse is thready when you get to her, and you find yourself wishing you'd bothered to go on first aid training. Or fire warden training - apparently they let you play with the fire extinguishers and everything. It always sounded really cool. Another one to add to the list of life's regrets, you suppose.\n\nWhilst you daydream about fire warden training, Mary's lips turn blue. \n\n[[When Billy sees her, he kind of loses his shit and runs around screaming.|Blood Loss 2]]\n\n\n\n \n\n
You've been up on the roof once before, to watch a flypast from the local air museum. It was a glorious, clear summer's day then. A day like today, without all the zombies outside. \n\n"Follow me, kids."\n\nYou run up the stairs two at a time, and Billy and Mary follow. You can hardly steady your hand long enough to pull out your key fob and swipe open the door to the canteen. You assumed you were done for - that the three of you would slowly die of starvation, trapped inside this building - but now you've been given a reprieve. A second chance. A military helicopter will be there soon, and you'll be flown away to safety. \n\nWherever safety might be.\n\n[[You throw open the double doors at the back of the building and race up the stairs to the roof.|Atrium Good 5]]
Aside from the fact that you ache all over, and the strange bump on your forehead, your body feels more or less unscathed. Nothing is bleeding.\n\nYour mind, on the other hand, is a different problem. Everything's still very hazy. You don't remember what day it is, or how you ended up here. There's not much to be done for that, though. Alas.\n\n[[You should definitely think about getting out of here.|Exits]]
THERE IS NO FOURTH OPTION.\n\n[[Crap.|Phone]]
The stationery cupboard <html><i>was</i></html> a fucking stupid idea - who ever heard of fending off the unquiet horde by stabbing each zombie in the eye with a Sharpie?\n\nOn the way to the server room (which was your idea, you think smugly), you notice the indoor putting green up where the Sales team used to sit. The putters hang silently from a nearby whiteboard, calling to you.\n\n[[Fuck those putters. We're going to the server room.|Server 1]]\n\n[[Fuck the server room. We'll whack those zombies around the head with these miniature golf clubs.|Atrium Good]]\n\n